For Aaron

"Begin doing what you want to do now. We are not living in eternity. We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand-and melting like a snowflake..."

- Marie Beyon Ray




To my sweet beautiful son Aaron
I look at the picture of you when you were small and see in your face the angelic quality that you carried with you your entire life. I remember when I first brought Sara home from the hospital. You was only 13 months old but your first words to me were "can you take it back and get a refund mom? I really wanted a brother to play with not a dumb girl." It didn't take you long (about 5 seconds) to decide that she was something to precious to ever take back for a refund. I don't know why but you never could seem to call her Sara......it was always "my Sari" and you loved and protected her so much.
When you started kindergarten you cried for what seemed like hours because Sara couldn't go with you and you didn't understand why. You did have the most fun the next year going shopping for school clothes with her though knowing that she would be in school with you.
You never lost that sweet spirit and loving nature even through all that you had to endure over the years. I have had the blessing of knowing some of the people who's lives you touched in the last years of your life. They have shared stories of unconditional love, selflessness, and the joy that you brought to their lives. One shared the story of your Christmas gift. That you had given all you had early that day to a small family with children who had nothing. You ask nothing in return, only to see the smile on their faces to have food to eat. I am sure that you went without yourself to do that and that son is why so many called you "The Homeless Jesus".
I wish it was in my power to go back and take all of the pain that I know you endured during your life, to even take your death as my own so that you could continue to share your light here. But God in his infinite wisdom knew that you were needed in heaven more than here and though it hurts those who have been left behind, at least I know you are warm, never hungry, and loved so very much.
I miss you so much my first born child that sometimes it is almost to much to bear. What keeps me going is knowing that you are not alone in heaven, the smell of the Jasmine bush that we planted to remind us of you, the doves that coo in the tree outside my window, but most of all when the tears fall, knowing that you are close and touching me in ways only a mom can feel.
I love you with all my heart Aaron

My son
I am here
I cannot protect you
From the world.

My son
I am here
I can only love you
No matter what

My son
I am here
My love unconditional
On this you can rely

My son
I am here
To guide and to teach you
And now you must fly

My son
I am here
Life can be difficult
I hear your cry

My son
I am here
Changes are painful
Never forget who you are

My son
I am here
Maintain the faith
In yourself and in God

My son
I am here
Self acceptance is yours
Do not fear

My son
I am here

PLEASE DO NOT USE OR REPRODUCE THESE PICTURES WITHOUT MY CONSENT! THANK YOU

SISTERS SORROWS

Sole Survivor
The sky is deep, the sky is dark,
The light of stars is so damn stark.
When I look up, I fill with fear.
If all we have is what lies here,
this lonely world, this troubled place,
then cold dead stars and empty space...
Well, I see no reason to persevere,
no reason to laugh or shed a tear,
no reason to sleep or ever to wake,
no promises to keep, and none to make.
And so at night I still raise my eyes
to study the clear but mysterious skies--
that arch above us, as cold as stone.
Are you there, God? Are we alone?

COLOR OF LOVE

THE COLORS OF LOVE
Love!
Love can be red, like the intense heat of a passionate kiss
.....the color of sweetness
.....the color of strawberries
Love can be blue, like the comfort we take in a pair of denim jeans
.....the color of strength
.....the color of perfect skies
Love can be yellow, bright and warm like the morning sun
.....like the sounds of laughters of children on the merry-go-round
.....like the sounds of fun from the boys flying kites in the open
fields
Love can be green, peaceful and serene I can hear your heart beats
.....it is the feeling of a loving hand that touch a grieving heart
.....it is the whispering of trusting words to a distressing soul
Love can be orange, the loudness of it can drive you up a wall
.....it can drive you to sing like nobody is listening
.....it can drive you to dance like nobody is watching
Love can be purple, the courage we need to love bravely and unselfishly
.....the moment I first kiss you i know that i am not afraid to risk involvement .....the day the declaration of your love for me was made known to the world

WISHING ALL OF YOU A HAPPY VALENTINES DAY
BE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE!!!!