Walking Away

To Watch You Leaving . . .

is to know such pain, it's jagged edges tearing into my soul. As a stake from the garden tears into the warm, dark earth.

To Watch You Leaving . . .

knowing all the while that never again will I fit myself, warm with sleep, against your solid back.

Nor hear your steady breathing. Or feel the beating of your heart.

To Watch You Leaving . . .

aware in every moment of every day that my dreams, my future; once tied with silken ribbons to yours, will never come to be.

And the mornings once so silent and hopeful, us gazing at the mountains and so gently awaiting forever - are now but small pieces of my past.

To Watch You Leaving . . .

your heart a tight fist of anger and your dry eyes betraying nothing of you. I cry for both of us, my love, because you will not.

To Watch You Leaving . . .

is to know that I've lost my place on this earth. My station. My heart's home. That I will wander, forever a nomad. Alone and afraid. And in my troubled dreams watch you leave, again and again.

For the balance of my days.

For those of you who didn't know yet.....we are not together any longer. It became clear that addictions would rule our relationship and that is just a place that I can not go anymore. It has been a month now and all things considered I am doing ok. It has been a little hard being here alone in Montana and hardly knowing anyone. I guess it helps to have a lot of work hours 24 hrs a day 5 1/2 days a week, and that keeps me busy enough not to have to think about things to much. I have learned 2 things through all of this....one: We have always made better friends than live ins....and two: That I can do this by myself and not have to depend on someone else to complete my life....I complete my life by myself and anything else is just frosting (so to speak). I think in this life that not all of us are meant to be with someone else and I have finally got to a point in my life that I am ok with that.